


Aphenshosmphobia

by SassyDelusions (Sassydelusions)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst?, F/M, Kinda?, Post TLJ
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-02 01:53:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17255390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sassydelusions/pseuds/SassyDelusions
Summary: His quarters were so dull and grey and there she was, a vision of brilliant color that outshined the sea of gloom. She was curled up behind the covers, her hair free of its buns and getting tangled against the pillow.He knew immediately that he didn’t deserve her.





	Aphenshosmphobia

**Author's Note:**

> This is a gift for my son and the sweetest bean I've ever met. [Logan](http://loga-boga.tumblr.com/), you're an absolute joy and I am SO glad to have you in my life. PS. EVERYONE needs to look at his lovely edits they are to die for!

**Aphenphosmphobia: The fear of touching or being touched**

 

The girl laying on his bed was nothing short of a goddess. No star system could even begin to compare to her loveliness, and he was fairly convinced he’d seen enough of them to know. It was rare to see her this peaceful, breathing lightly and appearing the very softest possible. Ben had a knack for destroying things, her usual resilience gave him peace of mind. He was terrified of her softer moments.

 

His quarters were so dull and grey and there she was, a vision of brilliant color that outshined the sea of gloom. She was curled up behind the covers, her hair free of its buns and getting tangled against the pillow.  

 

He knew immediately that he didn’t deserve her.

 

With his mask discarded on the table and his cape shrugged off and draped over a chair, Kylo Ren wanted nothing more than to watch this elegant angel rest and regain the strength. After such a long spar, she likely needed it.

 

He longed to touch her. He wanted to brush his fingers through her hair and trace the sharp line of her jaw. His arms ached to cradle her as his lips brushed her ear to assure her that all her fears could rest and that she could depend on him to catch her should she ever fall again. 

 

They barely even knew each other. The thought that he could be so smitten was distressing to say the least.

 

Rey was actually there, vulnerable and yet so peaceful. It made his heart tremble and for the safety of the both of them he placed himself across the room where he could watch her sleep without invading her space. It wasn’t as though he’d manage even a second of sleep with her here. The Force had teased him with images of her for months, but he never would have guessed that they were premonitions. 

 

Her warmth permeated through his room and for the first time since he moved into the Supreme Leader’s quarters it felt like a home. It was like the completion he felt all those nights ago when he felt their fingertips brush from across the galaxy

 

The past few hours had been eventful and had he not tucked her under the blankets himself he never would have believed she was there. A calculated surrender had brought her to the Supremacy, but she didn’t bring her heart with her. It pained him that she didn't trust him, but he couldn’t blame her. His words weren't much and she had fought too long and hard to let them sway her.

 

He wasn't so foolish that he missed the look in her eyes before she fell asleep across the room. He swore those endless hazel oceans would drown him if he dare swim in them longer than a few seconds at a time. Without speaking a single word, he could feel the weight of her emotions each and every time they locked eyes. She didn’t trust him, but she wanted to.

 

It was a frightening thought that his attraction to her wasn’t one sided. In the whole of his life he couldn’t remember a time he felt as loved as he did each and every time she graced him with a determined gaze. She challenged him in every way, but she did so with the most soul shattering sadness in her eyes. Nobody had ever looked at him the way she did. His very existence seemed to mystify, terrify, and delight her at the same time. The Force connected them in a way that caused them to become acutely aware of everything and nothing all at once.

 

Watching from the doorway, his eyes could adore her from a comfortable distance. Here they lingered, sharing the same space, breathing the same air, but his sense of reason kept him from moving any closer. He couldn’t predict how she would handle waking up here, or how she would process the knowledge that this war was far from over.

 

The fear of rejection was heavily outweighed by the fear of acceptance. 

 

Rey was beyond his grasp in every way. Too beautiful, too strong, too  **real** to ever want the walking mess of a man he was. The only love Ben was familiar with was the love that was thrown around this girl like rays of light were thrown from the sun. He could bask in it, he could take it in, and let it soak into his very soul. But he couldn’t create it for himself.

 

A solitary person who wasn’t familiar with intimacy wasn’t the person for a girl who deserved only the most loving and sincere affections. She was surrounded by friends who could love her and cherish her like the precious and rare gem she was. Or at least, she had been until she came to his cold place of living. 

 

His adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed heavily, a single step taken forward as the temptation to near her was too much for him to properly resist. It was only a few strides more before he loomed above her, his shadow casting along her features while she continued to sleep so soundly. 

 

Fingers were shaky as they extended, hovering centimeters from her cheek. He’d touched her before, his lips had even met hers, but as this situation dawned on him in full he feared what one more touch might do. With each one he had become more and more enraptured in her. 

 

“Ben...” Cooing in her sleep, this beautiful woman had no idea the effect she had on him.

 

The pad of his thumb touched her cheekbone, stroking slowly as he dipped downwards. Her freckles were so captivating. His lips brushed tenderly to her forehead and he felt in the moment the thing he feared he would.

 

Taking in her scent and lingering near, Ben Solo felt complete at last.

 

“Rey.” The tenderness was new on his lips, but he knew already that it was something he’d cherish for the rest of his life.

  
  
  



End file.
